Today is totally
Thursday, September 9, 2010 You are totally not logged in
Food
Eat Like Snake
Posted at 12:22:08 PM on October 8, 2006
Wow, Japanese men sure have some kooky anaconda-like eating habits. Maybe it's just me, but I'm definitely not craving a burger now... a nice dainty salad sounds good.
Yes it's true. Amazon.com is selling milk. And boy howdy is it getting some GREAT reviews! (Although only 764 so far, not quite enough to form an educated purchasing decision.)
Here's one...
There are few gifts I like to recieve more than milk. Whole milk too. That's the kind of milk that says that it's real. It's right. It's whole. I want that milk to sit there for years because that's what you do with milk. There's nothing better than milk - well except maybe radishes.
But alas, everything is not bright and shiny in the world of Tuscan whole milk. It has also caused a great deal of heartbreak. As evidenced by this reviewer's dark & sordid tale...
My name is Zach, a former employee of Tuscan Dairy Products.
To understand why I'm writing this we must go into further detail of why I am not currently employed by Tuscan Dairy Products at this juncture.
My position at Tuscan Dairy Products was called "Container Control Specialist". Basically, my job requirements were to hold an empty one gallon jug while it was being filled with Tuscan Whole Milk.
I know what you're thinking, "DREAM JOB". You couldn't be more right.
At first my job at Tuscan Whole Milk was exciting and fun. Nothing pleased me more than getting up in the morning knowing "I'm about to see the most magnificent and wonderful substance on earth". All I could think about was Tuscan Whole Milk, and that is where my life started its death spiral into the Abyss of dank, musky and pure Tuscan Whole Milk.
From the beginning my wife was jealous of me. She loved Tuscan Whole Milk, as we all do. But something pained her inside when I would mention Tuscan Whole Milk. She was bored with her job at SuperCuts. Upon arriving at home each day she would say exactly the following "What happened at work today, and give me DETAILS?" She was crazed for Tuscan Whole Milk, much like a crystal meth addict. She longed for the thick, cold and ever so beautiful taste of Tuscan Whole Milk.
But the jealousy had gone too far. After fulfilling my duties at work, my supervisor Jim decided to let me go home early. This is where it starts. I arrived at my homestead with my usual 2 jugs in hand(s), only to hear a moaning coming from our master bathroom. Furious, I barged into the room only to see my wife... Her insides filled to the brim with Tuscan Whole Milk.
I immediately filed for divorce and left my wife.
I got an apartment closer to work so I could spend more time with Tuscan Whole Milk. I was on a slippery slope. I would drink nothing but Tuscan Whole Milk until I vomited. I knew I had a problem, and the first step was admitting it. I was addicted to Tuscan Whole Milk. Being bloated, feeling sick, excessive diarrhea, lung disease, and milk lips are all symptoms of Tuscan Whole Milk abuse.
I had to quit my job at Tuscan Dairy Products to stay away from Tuscan Whole Milk. I am currently working at Ned's Video on Auburn and Sunrise as the Video Tape Rewinder. Its part time and the pay is bad, but at least it keeps me away from Tuscan Whole Milk.
Please kids, be safe and limit your consumption of Tuscan Whole Milk to a gallon a day.
Oh yes, it's almost time for the opening of Snakes on a Plane. You readers (all one of you) know I've been on this Samuel L. Jackson MF bandwagon from day one. While the fun of SOAP will no doubt come to a screeching halt when the movie actually comes out, here is one last laugh for good measure... yes... that's right, friends... better than Snakes on a Board Game, it's Snakes on a Cake.
Brilliant! Not sure why, but it just doesn't get old...
"When the hot dog came up, and some of it came out his nose, Kobayashi sucked it back down. To me, that's the testament of a champion and great athlete."
Maury Povich selflessly helps a girl deal with her greatest fear. What is she scared of? Snakes? Spiders? Heights? Death? Noooooo... guess again! Pickles!
Tomatoes Are Evil is a site entirely dedicated to the anti-tomato crowd... We are not talking about a mild dislike or a medical allergy; but the realization that this fruit is the SPAWN OF SATAN. Cherry, Plum, Beef, Sundried, Green, Organic or home grown; all TOMATOES ARE EVIL.
Japanese people like ice cream. A lot. And the Japanese palate runs... umm... towards flavors that seem a little bit unusual to the rest of us sometimes. So that said, welcome to the wacky world of bizarre japanese ice creams. It's not a land where the faint of stomach should dine.
With 21 flavors to choose from, I'm thinking this is a job for Steve.
Ok, so it looks like Bono* of U2 has painted himself orange, moved to picturesque Port Talbot, Wales (birthplace of the late Richard Burton & Sir Anthony Hopkins), and opened a museum dedicated to baked beans.
*Ok, it might not be Bono. Unless Bono legally changed his name to Captain Beany from Planet Beanus... which apparently this guy has.
Master Sensei Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink
Posted at 11:27:55 PM on February 11, 2006
Is your chi a little funky? Karma feeling down?
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks... Now available in Cherry Charge and Asian Experience.*
One sip and you'll be back to roundhouse-kicking coworkers through plate glass windows before you know it!
For anyone who thought that PETA was strictly a mammal advocate group, The Lobster Arcade Game was recently denounced by Karin Robertson of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals who said it's cruel to use lobsters as an amusement before cooking them. PETA reports that the Roland's Seafood Grill in Pittsburgh has removed this cruel contraption.
For more lobster liberation advocacy groups, check here.
VegitarianDogs.com is apparently rated #19 of all veggie sites, and is focused on selling a spiral bound book about canine ethics, whatever that is.
VeganCats.com is 100% cruelty free, except for the design!
Want to talk about it first before forcing your meat eater to subsist on barley and corn? Hook up with the VegPets.com message board, with almost 1,000 posts so far since 2002.
You're probably asking yourself right about now, "how the heck am I going to crack more nuts than my neighbors?" ... and the answer is either a Dynamic Nut Cracker or the Kinetic Nut Cracker, which is way more expensive but will shell 1,560 pecans per hour.
It's 2pm and you still haven't left your cubicle for lunch. Wouldn't a tasty little cake cooked by the warmth of a lightbulb be scrumptious right about now? It seems like computers can do everything, but they sure can't help you when you're hungry... until now.
My parents hosted many a cocktail party in the early years of my life. This was when I learned the profoundly-important lesson... NO SOIREE IS EVER COMPLETE WITHOUT VIENNA SAUSAGES & FONDUE!!!
Ok yeah, so actually I've since learned that this lesson was really, really wrong. But at the time it seemed so right, just so grown up! So for your dining & viewing pleasure (and in honor of my mother the hostess, circa 1970 or so) I present the following illustrated chronicles of gastronomic tragedies of the past. Bon appetit!
Joe Bravo has become quite well known for his fanciful use of tortillas as a ground for traditional painting. His painstakingly-detailed artwork is particularly tasty with a little bit of cheese and some guacamole. Yum.
Do you feel awkward in authentic sushi restaurants because you're ignorant of the traditions and customs? Well, here's a clever little documentary on proper Japanese dining etiquette. Be sure to take notes. Hai!
First there was Dickens' Christmas goose. Then along came the ever-so shocking Turducken. Now? Try the Ten-Bird Roast. For when killing three animals for dinner just doesn't seem enough.
It weighs 22 lbs. when cooked, contains around 10,000 calories (compared to the 3,000 calories of the average turkey) and takes over nine hours to prepare and cook.
